There are some things in life that you are not meant to forget, anniversaries, mothers’ birthdays and how to ride a bike. The first two, no problems, well provided I have a few nudges around the time, no problems. The last one why that’s a bit trickier, maybe I never learnt in the first place. Or maybe I haven’t forgotten at all, maybe it’s just my common sense switch that has been flicked into the off position. When water turns to ice, you really should think twice, but I’m an idiot and that would also explain why I cant think of any more rhymes to continue that short poem.

4am Monday last week as I headed off to work the incident occurred. Under the starlight sky on one of the quieter cycle tracks I began my journey from the vertical to the horizontal. Being a clumsy clot, I always assumed that I would fall off a bike in a crash bang wallop kind of style. In reality I performed the feat with a sublime elegance and instead of having throbbing pains all over it was more of a case of I really should get up now its kind of cold down here.

Relatives off course can be expected to sympathise, mothers would probably run with a bottle of tcp, never mind the fact the tcp hurts more than the original fall. Sisters can be a little trickier to predict. When I phoned her to say that I had fallen and was therefore purchasing some safety aids, the little brat burst out laughing singing that I had to use stabilisers. No sister I am fitting studded tires like every other sensible person at this time of year. Yeah yeah whatever she struck back.

This wasn’t particularly supportive of her, I don’t remember being like that when she decided to try and impress the ice skating judges with a double pirouette on the dual carriageway a winter or two ago. Maximum points were only narrowly missed due to the error of pointing in the wrong direction with only cars speeding past, So I pointed this out to her. This struck a nerve, subtle changes occur in the way she commutates as a wounded animal. As a loving brother I can pick up these pointers, it would be kind of hard to miss the high-pitched tones as she randomly presses the buttons on her handset.

So the moral of this story – Don’t fall off your bike, you will upset your sister.