Long time no post but I am still about honest. We actually I have fled Sweden to spend the start of the new year in a drizzly grey England. I had forgotten just how dark it can be over here. I am used to being in an area where street lighting doesnt mean that you can see one on the horizon somewhere. Even without the street lighting the snow in Sweden reflects whatever light there is available to combat the darkness. But I digress, which is of course my perogative, but I digress all the same.

After the calmest flight that I have ever had with maria (How is it that a hand that can sometimes have trouble opening bottles can easily crush all the bones in a hand?) we had a nice dinner and a good old chin wag. Little sister has also been away from home working in Switzerland as part of her university course but was back last night to be with us all. Being a daft little sis that she is she had brought me an cuddy elephant on strings so of course we had to have a go at making him dance with some moves more suggestive than others.

Today we hit the stores for a spot of shopping. What this actually means is I wandered around the stores carrying various bags and waited by the changing room doors to make the appropriate noises when required and to fetch and return additional items to be tested. Not that I mind, Shopping is much better here than our regional town in Sweden. I am a much better shopper (shopping spectator) than I used to be. Maybe that is something to do with only having to do it twice a year. The one item that i did try and purchase for myself was no available. Ipswich's club shop was out of blank match tickets so I will have to wait until tommorrow to get those. It should be a good game things seem to be going better for the Blues these days but I am sure I can jinx that.

On the auction front I can now proudly announce the addition of signed photographs from Robson Green in silver pen, Ross Kemp and a whole selection from the cast of Holby City and Casualty. Hopefully I will be able to get them scanned some for you to look at on my auction page.

Anyway, if I dont get the chance to post tommorow may I take this chance to wish you all a very happy new year !

Happy Birthday to meeeeeee
Happy Birthday to meeeeeee
Happy birthday strange englishman that moved to Sweden
Happy Birthday to meeeeeee

Its cold. No its flipping freezing. And I dont mean that in an english "ohh its hovering around zero" way. I could tell it was getting cold by looking at the ice forming on the inside of the factory door at work last night. A peek at our thermometer confirmed it down to minus 25. Brrrrr...

Anyway just a quick post to wish a merry Christmas and a happy new year to one and all (even Paul)

Its that time of year again where we tend to eat too much and end up watching the same repeats on the tv as we did last year. I thought it was about time therefore that I made a post of how Maria and I will be celebrating Christmas this year.

Our festivities will begin on Monday. That will be the 1st year anniversary of Maria saying yes when I popped the engagement question. We have brought each other a small gift but otherwise our celebrations will have to wait. We will both be working that evening and I wont be home until after midnight.

Maria has to work on the morning of Christmas Eve but the afternoon is the height of the festivities. The main Christmas meal is eaten in the afternoon and traditionally comprises a smörgåsbord including a few traditional dishes such as ham, jellied pigs feet, lutfisk and rice porridge. Lutfisk (sun-cured cod served in cream sauce) is most likely a throwback to a period of fasting from pre-Reformation times. The Christmas feast also includes a tradition called "dipping in the kettle" (doppa i grytan), in which the assembled family and guests dip bits of dark bread in a pot filled with drippings of pork, sausage, and corned beef. Symbolically this calls to mind, in the midst of thanksgiving and plenty, all those who are in need and hunger.

Around 3 o clock , Jultomten a gnome who lives in the barn who more recently has morphed into Santa Claus arrives. A family member dressed up as Santa will bang on the door and inquire with a ho ho ho “are there any kind children here?” Presents are then exchanged and children dance around the Christmas tree singing

You may think that there are too many repeats in England over the Christmas period but Sweden easily tops the bbc on that score. “Donald Duck and his friends who tell their Christmas stories. Every year it is the same stories, but it is just as fun as always. The program ends with the phrase : "From all of us, to all of you, a merry, merry Christmas” over 40 years this show has been repeated !

We will be spending the afternoon at Marias mums. Her sister and boyfriend will be traveling up from the south of Sweden to be with us. Gran has also be invited but is most likely to stay at her own appartment where we will visit her instead. The 25th is a quiet day in Sweden where traditionally Swedes attend Church in the early hours of the morning. In reality it is much the same as boxing day in England.

We are found a new apartment! I don't wish to say too much just yet in case I go and jinx it but we like it very much. Its in the same small block as the guy who we have been messed about by to the extreme and the old couple's who we also looked at but needed too much doing. Hopefully all going well we shall be moving in at the start of March.

Yesterday I been my new college course. It was terrible non of the other students talked to me and the teacher ignored me despite the fact I had my hand up all evening. That's not really surprising however seeing as I am doing the course "by distance". Just have to see if I can be dedicated enough to make sure that I sit down and study every week. The course "företagsekonomi B" looks to be roughly comparable to an A level in business studies. The subject looks like I will be able to manage with it fine, having to do it in Swedish could however prove to be a little more taxing.

Have a good weekend everyone !

Italians....slantly little eyes....no sorry thats italics. Too tired to post anymore tonight. I will be back tommorow fully refreshed (yeah right) and update you all on the lastest twists and turns in the world of appartment hunting.

Some things in Sweden seem to be designed to give you a headache. Buying a house, finding a decent job, and in a self-serving manner buying head ache tablets. I came home from work yesterday with a stinking headache. Of course we were out of headache tablets, so I had the short walk into town to the local supermarket.

The store was packed; I looked over and over again for a small tube of pills to make me feel like my old self again. I looked over the same area over and over again. Nothing. Maybe if I could find a member of staff I could get the help I needed. Of course they were nowhere to be seen. When I finally caught someone’s attention, I was told they don’t sell those in supermarkets in Sweden. You have to go to the local chemists.

By the time I reached there the self-service section area was closed. It seems now you have to go to the prescription section and ask them to go to the self service area to collect the medicines for some reason you are no longer allowed to touch. By the time I had my pills I felt like I no longer required a headache tablet. Could someone tell me how I could purchase some migraine tablets in Sweden please? No on second thoughts please don’t bother...

Marathon update numer 4

Just a quick post this week as really I have been updating all week. After last weeks mini moan about all the hard work required to get anywhere fundraising by local postman has restored my faith. The items for my charity auction have been flooding in, to recape the items recieved so far are as follows

Plymouth Argyle FC signed pendant

A guided tour of Middlesbrough FC's Riverside stadium for 4 people

Signed A4 team photograph of Everton FC

Terry Pratchett audio book "Johny and the bomb" signed by Tony Robinson

Signed photographs from the cast of Holby City

Signed photographs from the cast of Casualty

Signed photographs from the cast of Coronation Street

Tony Robinson signed photograph

Michael Parkinson signed photograph

Ross Kemp signed photograph

Sarah Lancashire signed photograph

Suzanne Collins - Brooksides Nikki Shadwick signed photograph

Tiffany Chapman - Brooksides Rachel Dixon signed photograph

Ann Marie Davies - Brooksides Katrina Evans signed photograph

Diane Burke - Brooksides Katie Rogers signed photograph

Promise of a signed script or the like from Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen

At the moment I have no set date for the auction itself. It will probably be quite a while away as yet. I still have the chance of more items arriving. I dont want to rush the organising either, I have to try and squeeze out the donations as much as possible. The auction catalogue will be deleveped over time, so why not add it to your bookmarks ;)

Traffic is never really much of a problem in the town that I live; We are far enough away from the main cities like Stockholm not to be bothered by it at all. The bus service around town is excellent. There are cycle paths everywhere, which while not used so much at the moment are used extensively once the ice and snow is gone. All in all traffic problems are minimal to say the least. There is a rush hour to call it such is well laughable really. This does cause problems however, from the evidence I witnessed today it seems when things do go wrong my local Swedish friends don’t know what to do.

As I was walking into town this afternoon as most people where going home I noticed the traffic was backing up all the way down the road. A little further down the road I located the cause of the problem, a bus stuck at the side of the road with its hazard lights flashing. It had clearly broken down. Not a problem surely. Swedish roads are by design wide. All that was required was a turn of the wheel and to drive around the non-moving bus. It is so obvious it feels stupid typing it.

So where people driving around the bus? Where they heck as like. They were just patiently queuing behind the bus. Is it possible for a pedestrian to get road rage? I wanted to shout at them that the bus wasn’t going to move. That it had clearly broken down. Look, see that chap over there walking around the bus. No not that one the other one. Yes that one with the bus drivers uniform on. No he doesn’t look like Geoff Capes does he, I don’t think there is much chance of the bus moving while he is standing there do you? Yes I think he may be trying to tell us something with all those flashing orange lights. No I don’t think its best just to sit there and see what happens! Drive around the bus!

To be fair to the Swedes, a few locals aren’t a fair sample to stereotype a nation. They did in the end get the idea and the problem solved itself in the end. At the end of the day I am left with a question at the back of my mind. What is more crazy, the drivers queuing behind a broken down bus, or the mad man beside the road being driven crazy by the drivers waiting patiently behind a broken down bus.

Charity auction update : Another day another addition to report. Well two actually. A signed photograph of Ross Kemp and an email from the wife of Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen with the promise of a signed script or something after Christmas

Swedes celebrate Lucia day on December the 13th. The day was named after a young girl living in a small village in Syracuse, Sicilian. Lucia became a martyr in the 4th century AD, because of her Christian faith. Lucia was engaged to a man who was not of the Christian faith. He became angry on with her because she gave money to poor families. Lucia was sentenced to die by fire, but the fire did not harm Lucia. So they took her life by a sword instead.

Well that’s the history anyway. I can only speak for how the main church in my local town celebrates this event, as it is the only Lucia that I have witnessed. At first sight it appears a test of faith of a girl selected to be Lucia. Lighted candles are placed in her hair as she leads a long procession up the aisles. Dressed in white the procession sing traditional carols as they slowly make their way around the church with Lucia hoping she doesn’t get burnt. Apparently there is a wet tea cloth hidden away in her hair but I don’t think I would fancy the job all the same.

It is a lovely ceremony. Thankfully the people involved are much more capable singers than myself and do produce a beautiful sight for those who have turned up. I think it is considered an honour to be selected as a Lucia. In reality it appears that the selection process is little more than a beauty pageant in the local papers. It does seem that the Swedes do have a sense of equality however as a few male Lucia’s have been elected. Maybe I should put myself forward next year. Okay so I cant sing but that didn’t stop me being cast as a whistling Father Christmas despite not being able to whistle.

Thanks to Ingrid via Karina for the historic text

Saturdays postman brought another set of goodies for my charity auction. A signed pendant from Plymouth Argyle Football Club. Four tickets for a tour of Premiership side Middlesbroughs football clubs Riverside stadium. A signed photograph of Sarah Lancashire and a selection of signed photographs from the cast of Holby City.

Our house hunting has taken a turn for the better. We went to see another apartment today. This time a one bedroom, living room and kitchen apartment with balcony on the other side of town in the same area as the chap that has been messing us about. It’s a lot cheaper and is in good condition with a wonderful view over the lake. The little old lady that is selling is moving to her hometown once she can find a new apartment of her own. So we still don’t know when we are moving but its good to be dealing with someone that we can trust.

With regard to my post about my charity auction I would like to thank Lynn for her very generous offer, Stuart for his access to stars and Paul for his as yet unknown but all the same intriguing fundraising suggest. You people are all too kind. Ohh and while I am sounding like I am making an oscar acceptance speech Thank you to Ipswich for finally winning a game.

I never thought that it would be easy. In fact I was expecting the fundraising aspect of my challenge to be a pain in the backside to say the least. Really I would like to come up with an original idea that would make it all so much more easier and fun, but then wouldn’t everyone. If I see another page suggesting I sell raw cookie dough I think I am going to scream. A celebrity auction maybe not be the most original idea either but that was where I decided to start.

At times it can feel like I am constantly banging my head against a brick wall. It takes a strong belief in what you are doing is worthwhile and a thick skin coated with Teflon to carry on as the “sorry but we cant help replies flood in”. Don’t get me wrong; I have no problem with the people that are saying no. After all why should they help me? They are probably inundated with similar requests on a weekly if not daily basis. They never asked to be approached and I fully understand their reasons for not being able to help. To make matters worse the collapse of ITV Digital has left many football clubs clinging on for survival, and therefore unable to help freeloaders whether for a charitable cause or otherwise.

It is knowing these factors that makes the arrival of a small package or envelope all the more rewarding. On Wednesday our postman attempted to deliver a package. But as everyone was out all we received was a tantalising “ you have a parcel” slip. We didn’t even know for which member of the family the package was. I felt like a small child on Christmas Eve. What goodies could the Parcel contain while at the same time trying to remain calm. After all Santa might think I hadn’t been a good boy this year and the package could be for someone else.

As it happens I had a mini flood of arrivals. Everton Football Club have sent a signed team photo, Causality and Coronation Street have also sent signed cast photos. And Tony Robinson has sent a signed photo of Baldrick and also signed a copy of a Terry Pratchett audio book tape that he narrated. The moral of my waffle, hang in there it will all work out in the end. As for myself I am going back to writing more letters…

The beginnings of a catalogue can be found here.

Thank you Baldrick !......as if he would read my page...but anyway thanks all the same.

It happened again, not just to me, but I suspect also to you as well. Another mail arrvied in my mail box from Nigeria. This would be surpising seeing as I dont know anyone from that country if only it didnt happen at least once a week. All these total strangers offering to make my fortune, I must be the luckest guy alive. You know the type, You can earn yourself a percentage of a fortune by helping someone get access to their money in a foreign bank account by transferring it through your bank account. I usually just delete them. What an idiot I have been ! It seems there has been a hobby going on and no one considered telling me. I shouldnt have been deleting the emails at all, I should be corresponding with these fine people. Kris Kringle Has been. Plenty of other people have been too.

I found myself awake at a ridiculous early hour this morning with little chance of getting back to sleep. Instead of wandering around all day with a sour face and no energy I forced myself to go out for a run. I have purchased a new set of strap on running spikes that were recommended by one of the Swedish fitness magazine. We will have to wait and see how good they really are. They seem all right at the moment but that may just be due to it not being so slippery outside at the moment. At the moment I have confidence in them but only time will tell if I end up feeling like someone who has purchased too much from the shopping channel.

It took a while to get going but I did enjoy the run. A very satisfying crunch beneath the feet is much more enjoyable compared to saggy cornflake like wet leave back in England. I had to explore new routes seeing as the forest trails have been given over to cross country skiers. They tend to get just a tad annoyed if you leave footprints over their ski tracks. I have no idea how far I went and to be honest I don’t really care. It was 40 minutes worth of running and time on my feet is all I will record over the winter. Its pointless trying to race the clock in these conditions. As long as I can retain a fitness base for when spring arrives I will be a happy chappy. That’s the third run in the last seven days so training is going as well as can be expected.

Kate from Concern has been in touch again and I can now reveal the project that your donations will be helping with. The credit & savings programme in Cambodia aims to help people affected by landmines, to regain their confidence and to become, once again, self sufficient. The below are a couple of examples of how donations to this project may be spent.

£12 can provide a weaving group with enough bamboo to make seventy five baskets which can then be sold for a total of £48 at the local market

£63 and a pig farmer can buy 7 piglets. In one year's time when they are fully grown he can sell them for £36 each (total income to the farmer of £189)

With £9000 Concern will establish one more village bank in rural Cambodia to give the opportunity to many more to enjoy the benefits of the Credit & Savings Scheme.

Fun and games are continuing at the factory. Not only did I have the chance to enjoy the firework display that is a giant toilet roll spinning without the breaks on, I also met another item from the giants cleaning closet. The industrial sized vacuum cleaner. Yesterday’s print run required unusual paper that we didn’t have in a width of 96cm. It was however available in a width of 112cm and so a fudge was born. Town vacuum nozzles were attached at strategic places on the press. The idea being that they would suck up the off cuts as the raced off the presses at a rate of 15kms per hour.

Imagine how much quicker the household chores would get done if you could hover at that speed. Except of course it doesn’t work. All evening long we were treated to displays that would have put any ticker tape parade to shame. Not that I mind of course. As long as the blame cannot be laid at my door I’m more than happy. The longer the printing takes the greater the chance they will have to continue operating 3 shifts and I will continue to have work.

Have you been a good little boy or girl this year ? Will you be recieving any presents from santa this year ? Is it a bit of a close call and you dont want to wait until Christmas day to know for sure ? Luckly for you someone has hacked into the computers at Santas hide out and I can now proudly provide you with complete access to Santas Naughty or nice list.

It seems this year santa is in a very forgiving mood, I havent been able to find a single family member who santa will give me a valid reason not to purchase a present for this year. Satan, Bin Laden even Bill Gates all get a clean bill of health from Santa. If anyone gets a bad rating let me know, if you have you must have done something really really naughty, like tugging on someone's beard, a pet peeve of Santa Claus

With falling snowflakes appearing on various blogs I read I thought I would write a post about the cold white stuff. While back in England you may be hoping for a couple of days of snow, we have been living with white streets for a week or two now.

One of the pleasures of Swedish snow is that it keeps its original colour. With the exception of small patches where dogs have chosen to insert a splash of colour we will have sparkling white snow all winter long. None of your slushy brown roadside mess for us, for the time being anyway. The swedes have a delightful saying which translates as "When the snow melts, the shit shows"

Believe it or not it is actually possible for a country to operate even if there is more than 2mm of snow on the ground. To be fair Sweden can expect a winter each year to justify the purchase of meaty pieces of plant. And boy have they grasped that chance. After a snowy night you can expect to see snow ploughs, snow blowers, gritters, jcb’s shovelling snow onto the back of trucks… You half expect to see Bob the Builder appear with people singing Can he shift it, yes he can. You can bet no Swedish kid grows up wishing to be a train driver. After all theres no business like snow business.

While they don’t go as far as bobsleighs, some of the sledges over here can get quite advanced. Sure we have our share of sit-you-butt-down-stick out-your-legs-and-hope-for-the-best types, but many also have steering wheels, brakes and the height of luxury, a seat warmer. Rumours of a sledge complete with drinks holder are still under investigation.

Snowmen and igloos are popping up all over the place. One of the nicer constructions that I have seen are made from 7 or so snow balls placed in a loose football style formation. A candle is then placed inside and left to flicker away during the night.

As you can tell I am still in my snow loving mood. Remember to come back in march to read my Argggghhh I hate all this snow why the *”!# wont it melt and leave me alone post. But for now that’s all folks….

The giant toilet rolls are spinning at full speed at the moment. I wish they would slow down as they are wearing me out. Any print run over 20,000 is considered a large production for the last three nights we have been producing 67,000. The monster throws out paper all night long and I end up doing the same level of work I would do in an evening shift which is nearly 3 hours longer.

The school have replied to my application to study economics online. They have suggested that I needn’t bother with the ground course and can go straight onto the B course. They will be sending the course material today so hopefully I will be able to crack on with that soon. I just hope I can cope with the level of Swedish knowledge required. We shall see.

It looks like our move could be going ahead again. The invisible man has shown his face again and looks like he wants to get things moving once more. There are some loose ends but hopefully they can be tied up soon

I am away with the fairies today. I woke up at 10.30 this morning and jumped up out of bed thinking what a lazy sod I was and that it was time get up. It took a while and a strange look from Maria to remind me I had been working nights and only get to bed at 7. Trouble is once I am awake I find it very hard to get back to sleep again so I have spent the day plodding around slowly instead.

Weekly Marathon Update #3

I have had my first success land with a bump on my doormat this week. A signed photograph from Michael Parkinson. Hopefully the first of many that will become part of a celebrity memorabilia auction in the middle of next year. It is highly appropriate that Parky should be the first to respond as it is from one of his shows where the seed for the challenge was sown.



Requests are currently finding their way to various stars. However I could do with some help pinpointing celebrities who are known to have supported landmine charities in the past. Feel free to namesdrop in my comment box.

On a similar note if you can add to the roster of celebrities who have completed a full or half marathon I would be grateful.

Steve Cram 2:35:44
Seb Coe 2:58:00
Richard Dunwoody 3:10:21
Greg Searle (Olympic rower) 3:29:07
Roger Black 3:41:47
Jeremy Bates 3:45:09
Annabel Croft 3:53:33
Gavin Hastings (ex-rugby union international) 3:54:20
Charlie Dimmock 4:18:45
Gordon Ramsay (TV chef) 4:27:06
Graham Gooch 4:45:10
Allan Lamb 4:46:00
Frank Bruno 4:47:16
John Gregory 5:02:18
Steve Rider 5:42:23
Ian Botham 5:52:41

We are back from a hectic weekend away. Not that we did much, most of the time was spent travelling there and back. We had planned to go into the city centre as we usually do but decided not to this time around and had an easy time in front of the telly with Maria's family.

We are still being left hanging in the air with regard to our new apartment. The present owner is currently continually making himself unavailable. We are unable to sign the contract and until then we don’t know what is going on. We have to be out of our present apartment by the end of February so one way or the other we will be moving it’s a case of where. The invisible man is being forced to leave as he has fallen behind in his payments and it looks like he wants to play games. Is anything ever easy?

For those of you who pay close attention to detail you will have noticed I have joined another web ring. This one collects us expats together in one place.