Just a quick post before we head up to see Rhapsody in rock with Robert Wells and guests. Hopefully there will be no requirements to clap along to the music at any point. Otherwise I will have to make the choice of sitting there looking like the miserable sod that wont join in, or the annoying git that manages to clap in between where everyone else thinks the beat is. Tomorrow morning we will be heading off early to Gothenburg to visit a friend from Ireland that is having a holiday over here. So there will be no posts for a couple of days. Karen will just have to wait a few more days to find out what the hell I am doing over here, is it (a) To have the chance to work with giant toilet rolls (b) because of the excellent wide range of teas available (c) none of the above.

Quality of life in Sweden according to this UN is only second in the world to Norway. Well I certainly like it here. Okay so at the moment everyone is melting, what will happen to the polar bears I wonder, but apart from that everything is fine. I love the cycle paths, the freedom to bike safely is great, apart from the teenage hells angels on mopeds. The scenery is wonderful, the feeling of space, even the graffiti artists make them selves useful. The town were I live has its fair share of names scrawled on walls and park benches etc., but I cant think of anywhere else where they would paint a zebra crossing on a road! And the cars (in most cases) stop at zebra crossings. Yes I like it here, which is a good thing as the same report tells me I can expect to live for another 55 years as yet.

I have reached the pinnacle of blogging. A number one ranking on google. I would however appreciate an explaination as to why anyone would want to do a search for car leaving the factory driving backwards

Finally a week of holiday. No crashing toilet rolls or incompetent fools to contend with. It will be good to get some rest in. My body has been complaining that it is tired lately, to the point where my training has gone totally to pot. I think I am going to have to reassess my aims as the hilly 28km race I was training for now seems un realistic. I would be able to scrape around but that’s not the way I would like to do it.

I have tried that before and come away slightly unsatisfied. In April 2000 I found myself with 38,000 other nutters on the start line of the London marathon. I was not prepared as well as I could have been. A change of jobs and a knee injury caused problems with my training. Those were my reasons but I don’t want to sound as if I am making excuses, there is no one to blame but myself. That’s why I don’t want to make the same error again, next time I will be fully prepared.

Having said that I am still glad I entered. It was a truly wonderful experience. All the way around the crowd are so supportive. At first it is slightly disconcerting to have people calling out ”Come on James, keep on going” Do I know these people? They seem to know me, until you realises your name is printed on the front of your shirt. Being passed by 6 beefy paratroopers in an inflatable birthday cake is not an everyday experience either. The camaraderie is second to none, from the start line to the painful step by step waddle down the subway stairs after the race. All in all a great day.

At the end of it all, I can say I made it around in just over 6 hours and raised £1000 for the Rainforest Foundation. My medal and photos still hang on the wall, and nobody besides perhaps a burglar can take that away from me. Even if I did have to use an office chair like a zimmer frame for 2 days afterwards. I am proud that I did it, but at the same time I know I could have done so much better. It is a strange feeling. Ever since I have wanted to run the race again and do a proper job of it. The 28km race in autumn was meant to be the first main step towards this. Now it seems like my goal is set back another year, but rather that than an end result I am not 100% happy with.

At least it gives Paul a chance to train more as well. He will probably deny it as he asked me not to say anything. But I think he should be commended for agreeing to enter and run the marathon with me. Go wish him luck in a comment box on his page.

My reassessed goals:

Rest of the year: various 6 to 10km races
2003: Various 6 to 10km and the 28km race
2004: Stockholm marathon and the 28km local race.
2005: London marathon.

Bits and pieces

Sometimes it can be difficult to make the first approach when starting a new relationship. You see someone accross the room and wish you had the nerve to go and talk to them. Some people suffer more from these nerves than other, like the person that placed an advert in the lonely heart sections of swedens Expressen newspaper this week. "Roxy cimema 17/6 - Sweet girl who sat behind me and watched the world cup final 1958 - please can i hear from you" Good luck to him.

Meanwhile a blind german psychic says that he can read people's futures by feeling their naked buttocks. Ulf Buck said that backsides have lines on them that can be rad just line the lines on the palm of a hand. Claims that most of his predictions include the recipient punching a middle aged german claiming to be blind are said to be exaggerated.

It’s my names day today. I can see you are looking blankly at the screen and wondering what that means so have a look here and then read on. So there you have it, a mini mini birthday like celebration for me coming up. James is the English version of Jakob and in the 90's the two names shared a names day. But from and including 2001 it is Jakob's day alone. (boo hiss, what a con, down with the Jacobs!) James has been used as a christian name I Sweden for many years but has never been a popular name. There are 1700 people in Sweden who are called James but this figure is growing since parents are more liberal with there name choosing than their parents were. Last year 1 in 200 babies born became known as James. This I know because of this site If you would like to try your own name there is a search box on the right hand side titled "Du söker på Namn" Give it a try.

Its hoilday time over here. Yipeee. Well that is it is for most people, I am having fun working the night shift again. Maria is on holiday however so I am getting to do some summer time outings as well, if somewhat in a daze at times. Over the weekend we took a boat trip on the local lake to Torsång. The weather could have been better but it was still a pleasant trip and it was interesting to get a view of the area from a different perspective. On the outward trip we chanced apon Näcken
"Näcken or Nokk Water spirits that lure people to them by their superb fiddling. One could quickly improve his fiddling skills by placing his fiddle under a bridge that lay over a river for three Thursday nights in a row. The Näcken would then play it, leaving its magic upon it. When the person returned, he would find two fiddles. If he picked his fiddle correctly, he would become a great musician; but if he picked the Näcken's fiddle, it would steal his soul." Bit harsh if you ask me.



Alright i know the boat company put him there and chance had nothing to do with it, but allow me a little romance in my story will you? I hope they paid him well as the wash from the boat as we went on our way nearly knocked him off his rock. Once at our destination we had a chance to look at look around the medival church and the motor museum. Well I say motor museum as that is what they called it, actually it was more of a collection of old toy cars. I guess they take up less space than the real thing. Related Photos

It was requested so now I shall blog it. There are no major cultural difference in the relatively short England to Sweden move as there would have been with a move to the Far East for example. The differences are more subtle and are only seen once you have scratched the surface a little

In the beginning…

Work and the opportunity to work has been the biggest change. A trip to the job centre results in the yellow pages being opened at the C for cleaners section and the advice given to ring around a few of these. Maybe I just came across a bad advisor while they were having 2 bad days, but several other immigrate friends received the same professional advice. Being restricted the hours I could work due to attending the local college didn’t help matter either.

My first step into the employment market in Sweden was a humble one to say the least. The kind of job young teenagers start and then give up as it just isn’t worth the effort. Delivering junk mail, or to give it its official title the lowest of the low. The deal was that on a Friday a section of leaflets, usually around 7 or 8 kinds, would be dumped on your doorstep. These would then have to be packaged into neat little boxes for each household before being delivered on a Sunday. The typical spotty Swedish kid would post to 300 letterboxes before being pushed home in their delivery cart by a friend. Being a monkey in desperate need of some peanuts I would typically do 3 or 4 of these rounds. All in all a nightmare which I stuck with for a year but am now glad to see the back of. It used to eat up the whole weekend and the Swedish folk who if myths are to be believed are supposed to be too timid to complain about anything complained about everything. They either recieved the leaflets and didn’t want them or vice versa, or didn’t like the way they were landing on their doormats.

I used to help cook the books, now I help print cook books…

There have been other titbits along the way, 3 days gardening and 5 or 6 stocktakes at the local supermarket, but nothing substantial. Then my first main break came along, my current job in the book factory. It's a long way from what I would prefer to work as and even further from the basic accountancy work I used to do back in England. Nevertheless its work. In the beginning it was just sick cover which would result in the phone ringing at 6am and asking if I could come and work. With time this has occurred more and more and now I have full time work over the summer at least.

I miss the regular hours of how I used to work in England, working within the shift system produces some very unsociable working hours. I am not sure my bodyclock will ever get used to working the nightshifts from 11.30 to 6 but at least the work isn’t that stressful. The brain cells are rarely called upon, which can be wonderful at times but can also be mind numbingly dull.

To be continued...

Yesterday we had a game of kubb with marias sister and her partner. I blame beginners luck, it was their first time playing the game and they beat us both times. Kubb is a traditional viking game that is popular as a summer game here in Sweden. Some sets claim that one line of thought is that chess evolved from the game but that seems just a little far fetched for me. Basically you throw sticks of wood at other blocks of wood in an attempt to knock them over. Its one of those games that sounds difficult to understand just from reading the rules but is actually very simple to understand and play once you get started.Have a go for yourself online here admittely its hopless online but you have the choice all the same.

I havent a clue who these people are but at least you get to see a game in progress

It seems my adventures at work have been causing mixed results from you my dear readers. From Martins understanding of how annoying working in the printing business to Karen’s giggling about the thought of giant toilet rolls requiring breaks. I thought you might like to have a look at a photo or two with a brief description as to what I get up to.



The paper come in rolls which vary by weight and thickness but generally they are about 5 to 6 kms long and weigh about 500kg. Recently I have been "trained" to install these beasts into the start of the press (far left of the picture). I say trained, what I mean is that despite newcomers getting 3 weeks with an existing worker standing by their side I had an hour or 2. The actually process of loading the paper isn’t really that difficult. The trouble lies in the pressure of making sure it’s loaded correctly. Forgetting to install the brakes or air will result in a visual display of paper flying around at a 100 mph flying out at all directions and yourself standing their with a look on your face as if to say opps. I have also recently discovered the machine gets very upset if you allow the top toilet roll to get caught up in the bottom toilet roll. In fact it gets very upset, goes kaboom and sits and sulks for an hour or two.

These pictures are not from the actually factory where I work. This place looks a spacious delight. Its also appears if they have replace the guy that does my normal job with a yellow robot. Probably not a bad idea actually but don’t tell anyone that. The block it is holding is actually stacked pages of books which will then go on to another book binding machine. Actually that just about sums up my normal job, something that could be done better by a yellow robot. But seeing as they havent progrmmed the robot to place the printed material on a pallet and draw an arrow on them they would still need me, yippee

Horay for the dose of english news that doinked its way through my letterbox this week. Always keen to take up an offer I had applied to recieve a complimentary issue of The Weekly Telegraph the global version of the Daily Telegraph. While I can read the swedish papers it takes longer, and I sometimes feel as if i am missing the point that the reporter is trying to make. The parts that I find i miss the most are those that most people probably take for granted. Those small little paragraphs tucked away in the center of the paper that make you chuckle for a second and then are forgotten.

Another problem is that I sometimes wonder if I have mistranslated a word that will totally change the meaning of the whole piece. If I had read the piece on sex education proposed by a Dr Llewelyn Goth-Jones I would just assume that I must have been looking in the wrong part of the dictionary. He was suggesting that parents should "Get your kids to watch while you are having safe recreational sex". He doesnt add that you might like to invite social services around to investigate the uppbringing of your children. He continues "talk it over with them afterwards". To prove he isnt totally wacko he does recognise the fact that every child knows their parents have never had sex with the comment "Dont be surprised if they seem surprised or laugh". Maybe its just me and my "no sex please we're British attitude", but i think even the swedes with their more liberal views on the matter would be surprised by his suggestions. These are the stories I miss, and with an offer of 4 more free issues long may they continue (for a month anyway).

Local photo of the week



I am still around, it has been a busy week at work, those giant toilet rolls are testing things indeed. Proper blogging service will resume shortly...

Its been a while since my last post. Mainly due to having a reasonably stressful week at work. The overall work level is less when changing the giant toilet rolls but at the moment since I am always assuming the paper will snap during roll changes it is more stress involved. It was a strange week really. At one point I even found myself feeling sorry for lazy incompetent fool.He hit his head on the corner of the machine while standing up and looked as if he was doing his best not to cry and true to form failing. It didnt last long feeling sorry for him however and I am happy to know I dont have to work with him for another 6 weeks at least. yippeeee.

After a long week what I really needed was a couple of early nights. So we went to the music festival in town. The early parts were a bit stale. Watching some of the people who had been learning how to do the swedish folkdance polska was strange to say the least. They seemed to be really concentrating but to the untrained ignorant eye of people like me it seemed like they were just walking. Okay so they were walking with attitude, but still just walking. The evening improved with the compilation of the best parts of the festival. A wide range of styles all mixed together, from vincent the rapper to the violins, the swiss horns and modern day yodeller. My favourite artist would have to be the chap from Senegal mainly due to his boundless energy, I think I will be annoying Maria with his catchphrase all week..JA JA CHELLO!!!!. Strangely the song "I just wanna make love to you" was translated into swedish as "I just want to have a cup of tea with you" Maybe I have been missing the point with the swedes and their fruit teas.

There are a couple of photos to see in the link on the right if you are interested.

On a happier note my parents have booked to come over in september. I think I should charge them some kind of booking fee though. I pointed them in the right direction of the cheapest of the cheap flights from RyanAir, saved them around 200 pounds on car hire with StatOil and by putting them in the direction of private cabins saved a couple more hundred pounds. Sweden being Sweden, when its high season in the hotels its low season in the holiday cabins, and when its low season in the hotels its high season in the cabins. All in all I think they are pleased, however mum did show signs of disappointment. ”rum and kok” which was included in this package didn’t seems quite so appealing when translated to ”Room and kitchen” compared to whatever was going on in her head.

ARRRGGGGGGGHHHHH ! To be continued....

To understate the situation, I don’t feel too good. Despite going to bed early last night by body refused to relax., for the second day running it was 2am before I was able to get some sleep. The difference being today was that I was due to get up at 4.50am to go to work. Knowing this fact my body decided it was prudent to wake me up at 4. Great.

Once I got there it wasn’t too bad. Actually it was quite good fun. I was given a new job. Still working on the same printing press, but feeding the monster paper rather than catching what it spits out. Of course the cosmic karma has to balance itself out, so the downside of this was that I had to work with incompetent fool who from this day forward will be known as lazy incompetent fool. Everything was going great, in the morning that is. I think I was lulled into a false sense of security but as it did for Cinderella at the stroke of 12 everything went pearshaped.

Go of to your bathroom. Go on. Spin your toilet roll around at a 100mph. Goes everywhere doesn’t it ? Now imagine that you toilet roll is a meter wide. That was my first mistake of the day. I forgot to put the brake on the giant toilet roll. Ho hum.

On well at least it was nearly time to go home. Just have to take a few containers around the factory for a spin on the forklift. Sounds easy enough. As long as you don’t find any drainholes. Ho hum. I huffed and I puffed but nothing happened. Nothing to do but to go ask the boss for help. Of course bosses like to keep you waiting a while just to show they are important, but at least he rescued the forklift. I won’t go near that hole again I thought as the boss wandered of and I reversed on my way.

I managed to get the grand distance of 3 metres before I was stuck again. */?#” **/”# said I, but in Swedish so you should be proud of me really. After more waiting and some ”funny” jokes which I assume I will be hearing more of I was rolling free again. 40 minutes after I should have finished I was finally on my way home. All in all a crap day. Sorry for a boring post, but I needed a whinge.

My body clock is stuck on nightshift time. At 2am last night I was still as perky as anything and it was at least 3 before I could fall asleep. This would be great if I wasn’t working the morning shift next week. Getting up at 5 and going to work after 2 hours sleep doesn’t sound like my idea of fun.

There is another option. In the paper yesterday there was a job as an accounts assistant which I think I could do. Of course there is a problem. It is only for a month. A month when I already have a full month of work available. Should I give up my work as a literature critic (I swear at the quality of the printed material coming off the press) for a chance of stepping a rung up the ladder, if only for a month? Having a months work back in accountancy would help my CV look back to how I would like it. But then what after the months work is over? I would be able to go back to the printers but I would be at the back of the queue for work again, even behind incompetent fool. To make it worse the busy period at the printers would be coming to a end and I could find myself with little work at all. If I stay put I have a chance of some scheduled work, If I disappear for a month I could be back to being rung at 6am and asking if I could get there in 15 minutes.

The work that I am doing at the moment is alright. It's a lot better than delivering leaflets which I was suffering with before. But at the end of the day it is still donkey work. Even if my mind can cope with the work will my body stand up to it? I guess I will apply for it anyway. They never get back to me anyway, so lets send in the application and let them make the decision for me. Ho hum.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal." "Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." But then... A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.

Which proves: that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for a beer - your life will not be completely full without a beer!

Am I turning old before my time ? I don’t think I am become old and crusty but that’s what I have been accused of. And a tight git to boot! The reason? The flask of tea I have started to take to work. Why don’t you just get a drink from the coffee machine like everyone else? The 2 kronar cost? The wasteful use of plastic cups? The dodgy looking bloke that often loiters there? NO, NO and well maybe.

Drinks from machines are never great at the best of times. Black coffee, Coffee with ”milk”, Coffee with ”milk” and sugar to hide taste of bad coffee and milk. Espresso, Capacinno (yeah right) They like there coffee here in Sweden. I don’t. Hot Chocolate, mmm maybe if it didn’t taste like the coffee but with extra extra sugar and a hint of chocolate hidden away as an aftertaste. Come on machine stop messing me about, I want a good old fashioned cup of British tea. CoffeeChoc, told you these Swedes like their coffee. There it is hidden at the bottom of the list – Tea! No hang on a moment, that’s not proper tea that’s, fruit tea. They haven’t comment to a flavour, but whatever it is it isn’t proper tea.

Ask for a cuppa in a Swedes house and you will get one of 2 responses. Are you sure you wouldn’t like a coffee ? Or the scrimmaging towards the back of a cupboard, from which a wooden chest is produced. A well made case which you assume could contain many delights. It flipped open and you are requested to pick your tea. Orange tea, lemon tea, grapefruit, pineapple, strawberry, amble tea. Argggh I just want a cup of tea. Im sure these teas are very nice if that’s what you want, but it isn’t!

So accuse me if you like of being cheap if you like, but for the time being my flask will continue to accompany me to work.

Im still working the night shift. Trying everything and anything to stay awake. Drinks machine coffee, cheap cola, reading month old newspapers and writing blog entries. Sometimes we even work. But as its coming to the end of the week, with the lack of sleep, thinking is becoming troublesome. Do me a favour and request a blog topic in the comments below. Anything at all, just drop a note in the comments box below. Brain cells permiting your topic will be ready to read with your cornflakes tomorrow morning. Now theres service for you

As of next Wednesday my little sis will have officially outgrown the ”little” tag and turn 21. Its creeped up on me. In part of my mind she is still the little girl that would get into trouble for biting my wrists. The girl that had the plumbers installing our central heating system turning the air blue. Apparently fishing with magnets on string for nails posted down pipes isn’t part of their training. Or the little girl that one summers day, when sent to pick some wild flowers came back with a beautiful bouquet … picked from various neighbours gardens.

Little handful that she was, she probably didn’t deserve the potential psychological damage from the mysterious teeth marks appearing on her brothers arm. She knew that she hadn’t done anything, but still the proof was there. It takes a very suspicious parent to check the dental records of their offspring before doling out retribution. Sorry sis. As a trailer on BBC prime keeps proclaiming – Childhood, it lasts a lifetime.

Living in a different country makes the giving of presents a bit more challenging. It has to be strong enough to survive a journey through the (in case pauls reading, Swedish) postal system and light enough so that the stamps don’t end up costing more than the gift itself. This year I thought I had cracked it. White water rapid rafting down the man made course in Nottingham. But last night that idea was squashed. She wont have time to do it proclaimed wise owl. She will be working all summer before disappearing to Switzerland to continue her uni course. Bugger.

So here’s my quandary. Wednesday is looming and I have no idea what my present should be. Anyone got any ideas?

Congrats to Chris on winning the lottery. The New York Marathon entry lottery that is. No money won, just the chance to run 26.2 miles. ´With a target time of under 4 hours but really wanting a sub 3.30 time Chris is to say the least a little out of my league. But I will kepp plugging away and maybe one day I can be up there with him.

This year there is extra reason to support Henman in his bid to win Wimbledon. The pundits have been shouting their mouths off again. Speaking on the BBC's Today at wimbledon programme Pat Cash declared "If Tim Henman wins Wimbledon I'm going to do this show in one of Sue Barker's old dresses. I'm serious - I'll do the show if I'm invited,"

More and more blogs seem to be growing little sections on their sidebars advertising what their author is currently reading. I had considered doing the same but dismissed it. Partly so as not to be just another clone of other blogs, but mainly due to plain embarrassment. You seemly list wouldn’t contain any weighty titles such as War and Peace or Crime and Punishment. Not even any trashy romance novels either. No you will have to keep lowering your expectations of me and then think a bit lower still I’m afraid. The last book I read from cover to cover was ”Putte flu away”. An action packed adventure about a small boy and his pet canary. Maria bought it for her friends 5 year old daughter. So you can perhaps understand my reluctance to share my reading habits with you. In my defence it is in Swedish and happily I didn’t have any problems with it.

Nevertheless it does become rather depressing having to come down to such a level to be able to ”enjoy” a book without having to reach for the dictionary every paragraph or so. Aimed at such a young audience gripping plots are few and far between. Boy plays with canary near open window – bird flies away- boy looks for bird. I won’t spoil the ending for you but I think you could guess. Depressing as it can be, I am trying to stick with it. Usually I will absorb a few new words with each book and my reading age should improve. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. At least my next book should be a bit more amusing ”In the worst case – sex and dating”. Amusement and the chance to learn the Swedish for axe murderer, transvestite and impostor…